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++a simple gal ++ ++living in her own world++ ++fun-loving yet withdrawn++ ++lively yet silent at times++ ++bimbotic at times++ ++coz reality is just too harsh++ ++but thank God I have you!++ *FM receiver & earphones* *wallet* *phone..Dopod?* *bag..crumpler?or timbuk2?* *digi camera* *new PC/lappy* *Phantom of the Opera* *travel* *spectacles* *..Him..* &...many many more...
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
yupz...today's sunday...start of another week tomorrow... hmz...the past week is not so bad...fellow intern frm HR jun bin joined us...work is still the same..(cant say anything more though hor?later genna sue ar...)haha.. went to the HR retreat last thurs...was pretty ok lar...ok...i admit its better than i imagined...gd job guys...but hor..i realised i dun like networking...yucks...makes ppl so fake lor...not tt i networked alot lar..only talked to ee lan..or rather go n say hi and hear what others gotta say...smile and be pretty...saw my fyp supervisor prof josephine lang and talked to her also...nothing much also... nothing fantastic also not much happenings thiz wk too...hmz...went town...say the xmas decor...was too tired to notice much though lar...but xmas in definetly ard the corner...=D went town today also aft church...managed to find iz to acc me for lunch...if not i'll be gg home and brood the whole afternoon...haha....waited and was at the band performance of westwood in front of paragon...haiz...miss band days...one of my regrets was tt i din continue playing...i like music...past and present...but nvr seem to have to determination to continue on...guitar lying on the chari collecting dust (on the cover lar!)...can remember i was interested in guitar in sec schdays...got out my dad's ancient guitar and play with it...bought my beloved guitar when i was in J1 1st 3mths with the money earned frm waitressing...cool hor...but slowly...i din play le...very very seldom....maybe coz im not gd in it lar..haha...but anywayz...miss playing in the band....haiz....those were the days manz...the jing hua of sec sch life...haha... ok shall not blog on and on..else it'll be another nonsensical entry le...looking forward to nxt wk...alot of happenings sia...mon tt is tml aft work got dinner/movie at ps..watching harry potter with some programmers...den...tues got....hiak hiak...something on with a grp of close friends too...den wed got meeting in sch...sports camp programmers sub grp meeting...haiz..at 8pm lehz...i 530 end work le lor..do what?maybe run?hmz..anywayz..thurs free day...fri also dunno wht to do..den come sat driving lesson followed by chalet/camp/retreat..haha/..til sunday..and another week will be gone le...=P anywayz to all out there!!exams over le!!!huiyi exam over le also rite?mik's too...yay!!!!kerk's also...yay! hahaha....but ger ar...im working lehz...have to meetup at my work okiez? =P..best is friday lar..den i'll be in casual so not so awakard too...hee...yupz keep me updated ya!!! steph @ 11/27/2005 07:44:00 PM Sunday, November 20, 2005 (on hindsight, i better include this ermz...warning..to whoever it is out here that this entry is not a normal one...long, draggy, no structure, no sense even...if you dare to read on, you are very sian...if you finish all, den you are super bo=liao. if you know what im saying, you are smart..for i dun even know what im thinking as i wrote those...hahaha) so fast this wkend passes so fast... unlike the whole week... its like..kinda unbelivable that i only ended my papers on tuesday..in this week...hmz...seems like a long time le wor..this week also past very slowly...mon-fri...sat n sunday seems so short...and in a few hours, its buy buy sunday, hello monday...aka hello work... not tt im complaining abt work lar..not tt im dreading work....in fact, things are gonna get busy...so meaning each day's gonna pass by with something to do...so not tt bad...just hope that i'll be able to mee tthe deadline...yupz deadlines again...haiz... fyp-ed on sat mrn...with that THING...yucks...haiz...dunno y his room was so cold...prob he wants to kill all the insects and things that are residing amongst the boxes and books and dunno what that are stackingin his room...freeze those things so that he can rear new things...esp to put in someone's locker...wahahaha...ok sorry if ppl u guys dun get what i mean...but zonghan if u reading this maybe u'll know..wahaha...yucks! *disclaimer: the above are just a joke, any coincidence, whether in real-life or fictional, are just purely ...coincidental.... damn english getting lousier and lousier...well..as long as it's good when im doing work in office can le lar...now too lazy to think of the grammer vocab etc etc etc...wartever... *upon reading again, i realised that i have to put headings for the below...wahahah..coz it's gonna be super long entry and nonsensical entry Mouth Cant Open hmz..sometimes its just difficult to say something hor...was listening to jay's kai bu liao kou...meaning cant open mouth literally lar..but meaning that sometimes its just hard to open your mouth and express how u really feel....heck..sometimes its also even difficult to know for sure what you really feel manz...since you duno how you feel , den how to say it out? silence isnt good either...being lame is not too. alot of things you think you know, but actually you dunno...alot of things you say you dunno, actually you know..or maybe you just don't want to acknowledge it. or mabe you just dunno....alot of times you really want to pick up the phone and just call whoever it is, just wan to sms whoever it is again a simple hi hows our day? but dun you just din do it. how many times had you, comtemplating really hard whether if you should ask if everything's going well coz somehow you know things are not going so well for whoever it is?.. well at this point, i seriously dunno what im going on abt sia...lost my focus liaoz...wasnt even sure wats my point when i 1st started typing this paragraph though....hmz....really...haha...damn.... New Year Resolutions anywayz it just feel good to type n type n type..without any structure..without any care for gramatical error or spelling erroes or watsoever...just penned down some of my thoughts...not here lar stupid...penned..means use pen and wrote pn paper..or book..or diary or watever you call it...which reminds me...i wan an organizer!!! so whoever out there wan to please me..wan to get into my good books...get me an organizer...wahahaha.if you are rich enough, den i wan an O2 mini...hahaa...anywayz the year is coming to an end, the new year is just around the corner...so nid to have something on hand to note down impt things n date sia..ughh... anywayz...also...hm..new year is coming...i remembered someone once asked me..wats my new year resolution...for this year lar..i said i cant remember...really.. i really cant remember if i even set one for this year manz! hahaha...he told me to start a new resolution or smt lar....isit har?hahahah actually i cant realy remmeber too...ughhh hate the bad memory i have!!! ....anyway...ppl out there...its time to start to think abt new year resolutions...hahaha...kinda early lar considering its just nov now...like 1 more mth...and ppl ARE still having EXAMS!! haha...but den again...xmas is coming!!! i haven been to orchard to c the lights though..i wan to c!!! ughh..only city hall's one...and i wan that 6-sided blue star tts hanging on the tree along city hall suntec there!!! hahahaha...wish-ful(l)...anywayz...as i was saying...the top resolution of 2006 for me...ughh its 2006...shit manz...so fast...its just like 2000 not long ago for me lor!! sometimes i feel that im still living in '01...got the tendency to write '01 as the year everytime manz!!! oh sorry i digressed again...as i was saying...this blog entry's gonna be super no structure and well i just like it leh..cannot meh..anywyz...back to the resolution...c..i digressed again...ermz...the top resolution shall be : to remember my resolution!! hmz...was that my last yr's resolution? i dunno...forgot le...hahaha... Lamerism hmz...maybe i shall touch on the subject of lameness....ppl always says im lame...hmz..was i?even during sec sch days?or jc days? friends of those stage..please comment!! tks!! hahaha...i know for sure tt uni days now im super lame lar...so no nid to verify...but den again...ppl change... i for sure changed alot...physically and mentally....frm the toot toot girl to the still toot but not as toot lady now...muhahahah lady...coz 21 yrs old le mar...still cannot get used to the fact tt im 21 now...still thinking tt im 18...hahah..confused sia hor..haha..anywayz...thinking wise also changed le ba..hopefully its more matured..definately its more mature lar actually...kaoz..haha..but smetimes the lameness may seem to reflect otherwise....i dun like situations where im introduced to new ppl..and there's AS...awakard silence...well..short of having a serious conversation to the person(s) about politics, free trade, health issues like birdflu, terroisms, religion, etc etc...i'll tend to 'break the ice' by being lame...basically i dun share these kinda deep thoughts with ppl...like those chiem chiem pattern kinda things...hmz...so topics may seem shallow when im laming...well..lame jokes are really shallow anywayz..hahaha...but i dun mind being 'labelled' as lamer...infact, lamer partner veron (dunno if she still reads this though..) used to call me lamer! haha...and im not offended though...part and parcel of our job...coz we are kids camp instructors mar...or rather i WAS...long time no do camps le..haiz... anywayz...sometimes its kinda offending if ppl dun take the lameness as a joke...like sometimes its so bloody irritating..pardon for the language..i mean its so extremely irritating that ppl will start rolling their eyes at the lameness..the attempt at someone trying (very hard but to no avail obviously) to lighten the situation...im not really referring to me..though it has happened to me before...ppl rolling eyes at me not the other way round lar...hahaha...but referring to all 'lamers' in general...hmz..or does this only happen to me? dunno lar..haha...cannot generalize..so fellow lamers pls state if its applicable to you hor den i can make generalizations...anywayz...yar i was saying its irritating...and the worse part is...after awhile, the person who rolled his/her eyes start to crack some wise-crack jokes...smart-ass har...or something...or maybe when another person (who's not bring branded as lamer) cracks a joke equally lame, and ppl actually laugh ALONG with it...mind you, not AT the person making the joke, but AT the joke...so what does it shows...lame ppl make lame joke, you roll eyes...another person not a lamer makes lame jokes you laugh...hmz...really makes me wonder manz... Disclaimer (again) well...im not targetting at any specific person in general lar...coz even if these kinda things happen to me, i dun usually note who's rolling eyes or watsoever...but den again, if you read this and feel that...er...is she talking abt me..den yar u know that you are this kinda person...no offense though..(must be politically correct lar..later you sue me leh!!!) once again, the you doesnt really represent any person in particular lar...all the 'you' in my entry are just ermz...noun...not a person or people whose name i dun wan to mention...they are just a noun..im not targetting at any ppl okiez...hee... hmz...coming to another issue...memory..or rather the lack of it...sometimes i really find it a blessing to have bad memory...means that i wun remember bad things...hmz..actually i mentioned it i think during my last post of this kind (nonsensical kind)...but anywayz..hahaha..who cares...or who remembers! hahaha...yar lousy memory is something which i had..and still have...sometimes i have problem remembering ppl's names, their jobs etc...but den again...once with more contact den i remember le lar..haha..another thing is its good that with my lousy memory i dun bear grudges..yar i dun remember it was XXX who caused my icecream to drop on the floor when i was 2 yr old..i dun remember it was TTT who drew a tortise and pinned on my back when in pri 3 in aug 19. i dun remember it was the YYY who rolled eyes at me...oh crap...haha...ok lar...actually no one dropped my icecream(hm..i dun think i ate icecream when i was 2 for that matter) or no one actually pin tortise/turtles on my back..and i dunno if really got ppl roll eyes at me lar..haha..basically im just crapping again..hee...mad...anywayz..bad memory also have bad consequence...haiz...alot of silly mistakes are due to that lar...haiz...anywayz...hmz..no link again... sometimes its also tough to find someone to talk to...imagine when u are at home, alone and dejected...with the computer on and msn running..you really feel that you want to talk to someone...via msn or smt...but no one in mind..so u scrolled through your contact list...hoping to find someone to talk...but den again...even though there's a long list of those who are online, be it away/busy/on the phone/feed pet or anything, you dun see anyone whom you can talk to. sad isnt it. never mind...maybe sms or phone call to ermz...dunno who also...will help...so you scrolled through your address book...nono...make that..you typed out the text already..in sms...den want to scroll down you address book to see who you can send the sms to. A....G..maybe futher down..T..uh oh..W..oh no...X..Y..Z. down to the last name on the address book. and the next action, you press the small red button on your phone. cancel button. sad har? its not that you dont have many friends, you have alot actually...it took you like 15 minutes to scroll through you contacts in address book! but its just that at certain point of your life, you just dunno who to talk to. or even have 2nd thoughts of talking at all. Disclaimer(yes...again...) the above isnt talking abt me..or rather abt me now...im fine ppl dun worry...wahaha... Fear of falling how many of you have acrophobia? i think i do...but i live on the 12th floor!!!hmz...guess everytime i think of how i jumped the wats tt..the diving thingy in ntu during splash fest last time...(rather long time back lar..wilfred of ntu, you'll remember ba?hahaha..wasted ur battery) or the more recent one..ermz..a year ago lar..when i had to jump off lovers bridge at indoor stadium there as part of x-physique race...manz..i still cringe...in fear when i think of it even now...because of the fear, i dare not jump..took a long time to jump off...and maybe that resultd in my grp getting so behind...=X ahaha...felt so bad then..there are times when its like...no choice have to do it..just take a step forward, spilt second..or maybe 2 seconds and it'll be over..but there's this hurdle we have to overcome...its in your heart, consuming your heart...fear...of falling...even when you know that hey!its alright...its safe!....fear of falling....fear of falling...fear of failure (hm abit taboo leh this work..since its exam period..but dun so pantang lar ok)...how many times did you lack the courage to take the plunge..to say out what you feel..and eventually really din...coz you fear to fall...fail..only to regret later...if only i had blah blah blah...yar if only...den i strike toto le lo...ok.or rahter den i wun genna laughed by the toto lady le lo..those who know my buy toto incident pls dun laugh...haha...anywayz...i'd say..take calculated risks...not that you have to be scheming and everything lar...but if there's some risks that are really worth it, please do..or jubject to regret later on in life...(hope stock mkt dun crash!)hahahaha...ermz..well...even if you had fallen once, twice, or many many times..i'd say...try again. from young we learn the song..the hao wa wa song or smt...ownself fall down, pull urself up..but hor..sometimes its not entirely possible...you need support...be it a table, pillar, friends...to help yourself up..there will always be someone..just believe.. im not a good decision maker. in fact, i was criticized and i even agree totally that decision making is really not my forte. silly mistakes were due to indecisive me...what den does it take to be a good decision maker? to set your aim and heart on what you want to achieve in life and in situations. to know what you want and go for it. as i heard, begin with the ending in mind...really true...many times we rely on someone to make decisions for us. "what you want to eat?" "anything, you choose" "ok" and den..you dun like the food and wished that you had decided...only you dunno what specific food to eat still...but not that every decision are bad though...and not that every decision I made MYSELF are bad though...hmz...yeahz...=) ok shall not harp on and on..really sorry if you read it and dunno what the hell this crazy woman is crapping on...well...there's always a continuation...i dont stop thinking here...i always enjoy a chat with ppl. yupz =) wah!!! corrine may's Little Superhero Girl. super like this \...dont you sometimes feel like this too? I feel like a little girl Trying to conquer the whole wide world Everybody wants a piece of me And I just don't know where to turn I've got work piled up to my head All I want to do is jump into bed And wash away my troubles with lemonade Play hide and seek with the boy next door Take a trip to Singapore and Imagine how I'll make the world a better place All I need is a good disguise One where nobody can recognise That I'm feeling so small All I need is a secret weapon I've gotta have faith Zapping monsters into outer space I'm gonna be a Superhero Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na- Yeah If I were a little girl Trying to clean up the whole wide world I'd kick the bad boys back to school Teach them fighting's just not cool I'd give every kid a teddy bear Turn starving people into millionaires Break glass ceilings with dynamite sprinkle a little sugar and spice Turn the bullies that terrorize Into pink poodles that bark, but don't bite All I need is a good disguise One where nobody can recognise That I'm feeling so small All I need is a secret weapon I've gotta have faith Zapping monsters into outer space I'm gonna be a Superhero Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na- Yeah Little Superhero Girl Little Superhero Girl Save me Little Superhero Girl Little Superhero Girl Save me from myself I feel like a little girl Trying to conquer the whole wide world steph @ 11/20/2005 05:47:00 PM Tuesday, November 15, 2005 my last paper...reserach psychology...finally over!! yay!!! hahaha...so that officially mark the end of this semester!!! hmz...rather fast lar..but den again...im fast too..gonna be caught up in working world....make that already caught up in the working world... anywayz...today's paper rather relaxed...though the mcqs were on those chapter which i din focus on, but guess ok lar..the writing part is smokable with the knowledge i gained reading the textbook and notes (hey i din buy the text bk in vain! i did read it ok!!) ...so shud balance out ba...cross fingers! haha... den met zhenhong for lunch...borrowed corrine may frm him! ..haha...while i was in dad's car just now, i was thinking...signs that you are old : you enjoy the smae music as ur dad...or rather share the same taste for the same kind of music...haha... anywayz...swam with racheal and ah seng....think i clocked ard 10 laps ba..with some sun...which is the cause of my current headache now...ughh...went jp with iz awhile to renew my PDL...den to tuition... cousin is really stressed out sia..poor thing...she's ok lar in her physics..improved alot..but still tend to be careless at times...wonder if we are so stressed when taking Os? hm..i dun think i was though... tired tired...shud rest early now...i dun like to have headaches!!!(DUH!!!) GaHH steph @ 11/15/2005 09:58:00 PM Sunday, November 13, 2005 well...work is...rather peaceful...the korean woman 'resigned'...good lar...less trouble for the team..though workload is indeed more...not tt with her around it helped i think..hahaa..anyway...yupz...spent the 1st day of work practically doing nothing...i was reading my ntoes coz i cant log in to the pc as the password n id were not out yet...shud had brought more notes..haha...anywayz work is coming in....sianz lar tml have to work...but tues is my minor paper...research psyc...so i get the day off....looking for ppl to swim with me leh in the afternoon coz my paper is in the mrn...but hope i dun have fyp meeting with THAT THING though...hmz...have fyp also gd lar..we super off lor...off schedule that is...ughh... hmz...well...life's really good...really glad that i've made some choices which i doubt i'll regret! =) yupz...early...but i wanna sleep liaoz..not productive at all manz...will spend my 2hr lunch break tml reading my textbook...last paper on tues!!! muhahaha...to all those still haveing papers...all the best!! btw, huiyi and mik, when's ur last papers?? ughh....i wan to hit the beach!!!anyone? but den again...my saturdays are koked up with driving...430pm for the nxt 2 upcoming sat...how sad is that!! but i wun say no to morning sun though! hahaha...yupz...till then...mug on ppl! hope that life will be good and continue to be good for all of us! =) steph @ 11/13/2005 10:50:00 PM Tuesday, November 08, 2005 hmz..tml im starting work..feeling quite apprehensive though...hmz..but hor..i got this feeling..that thekorean isnt at citibank le lehz..haha..coz i emailed my boss to 'remind' him tt tml im gg work..he replied me cc-ing to the whole team..and surprisingly...i din c korean's email..hmz..maybe she's on holiday?haa.. anywayz..lets hope tml is ok sia...rather nervous too...dunno what to expect...will i be given heavy responsibilities? will i understand what boss is saying? though its way better than korean lar..haa...hmz..and how will working there w/o my fellow interns eugin and emily lims be??ughh...haiz...oh well i'll know tml... been slacking today..wanna change blog layout..but hor cant find a nice one...did some reading of my psyc notes also..yupz u din c wrongly...haa..yeahz..im til lect 5 le leh! haha..got more confidence in that subject...abit lar...but i haven got to reading the text yet..tts gonna be the killer i suppose...haiz..oh well..gonna spend the nxt few days aft work to read the textbook...shall not buy it in vain...hee... well well...ntn much to update...at home all day...ppl were surprised y i din go out..haa..i just like to slack at home mar...else when start work le not much opportunity to stay at home one..=P haiz...shud go and do something instead of nothing... steph @ 11/08/2005 09:19:00 PM Monday, November 07, 2005 wOoOo!!!! finally finished my political econs!!!!can say its a relieve manz!!! the readings were so much...but i did manage to finish reading lar...and read thru some more than once...coz started reading sometimes while i was on the way home on mrts etc mar...whoa...gd move...haa... but had a series of bad moves too...haiz...paper was expected for lim's section...did egoin (which i think i messed up big time though...rather incoherent) and also did the qn 2...ermz...on...transformation of spore lar..copying big time manz frm the notes n reports...oh did i mention?its an open book test! wahaha... anywayz...the nxt 2 qns...i not sure how to do one..hmz..but still...copied the reports and tried to make it answer to the qns...no structure to my ans..haiz...worse paper ever...coz i was like struck with flu...was sneezing and nose was like sprinting for a marathon like tt lor...super terrible feeling...the sneezing made me feel so tired...i actually thought the table was unstable..but its not...and i felt dizzy initially...damn...den do n do...nose run n run...was also worried tt my tissues will run out too...at a point i simply had to close my eyes and take a rest...manz...considering that time is extremely crucial..whoa...tough manz...but but...i got over it le...thanks manz...haha... anywayz...papers over le!!!! haha...ok lar..still left reserach psyc...which i bought the text few wks ago...the aunti was like...buying textbook??(at this time?isnt it ermz..late?--implied frm her qn)...haa... basically i figured that i really dun have much time to study since im working on wed.. yupz...starting work this wed...fast eh! haha...actually supposed to work tml one..whoa..but coz i kok up got the dates wrong...so have 1 day's rest.thank god for the blessing in disguise manz...think i really nid the break sia...=) gonna spend the night doing nothing! hahaha...been studying these few days in my room....or rather.trying to study..haha..think im gonna do some watching of tv..den go read...yay...haa.. to the others out there...jiayou for ur studies wor!!! hee..i'll also jiayou one! i wan my As!!!! steph @ 11/07/2005 08:44:00 PM Friday, November 04, 2005 hmz...well..311 paper kinda sucks...we were given tne case study to prepare before hand..seems like what we predicted din come out...what we've prepared seems like in vain...when i 1st see the question, i was stunned...was thinking to myself...whoa..could i smoke thru successfully?or which framework to use...blank mind...no time..race against time...so have to start writing din even have time to think...so ....tried my best to smoke...sianz...very sianz...there goes my A...felt kinda down lor... anywayz its over..as long as others think that this paper sucks too then i have a chance..wahahaha...nvm stll got 312 paper...political econs..sianz..open bk lar so heng..heard frm the gers that just go there n copy frm the reports lor..so hope its not tt bad...aim to have A for that too...hahaha..dunno if can or not lar..but aim is aim lar have to piah for it too..wahahah... anywayz aft the paper, the venus gers we went for a FEAST!!! took a cab to geylang to have the yong he and also ate the beef hor fan...very full sia...den we went to have liulians...sianz..cheat our money lor!!!! so not nice and so expensive and so LITTLE!!!!!like got 6 pieces only!!!gotta be the most expensive and most nOT worth it durian eaten manz!!! pui!!! cheat my money!!! and the uncle was like so happily waving to us when we left lor...ughh...we went in with a good mood...came out with such a disappointed and cheated feeling manz...ughh..now i have craving for GOOD durains le lah!!!!gRRrrr photos...pls enjoy....oh...when i was supposedly studying for my 311, guess what i did...i went and play jay's concert...den i paused at where he's soOoo cute and took photos of him using my camera..wahaha...must be mad...but i also added in few shots of my room lar...haha... my new toy! im going bangkok soon!!taking the plane for the 1st time!!! my jay...so shuai! more of his pics nxt time..haven take finish...hee... my so conducive room...(jay is on the screen!wahhaa) pictures on the wall...mum always nag at y i dun take down me and aoz's pics..but y cant she understand the reason i put them up in the 1st place was that i look GOOD in the pics and still look GOOD in the pic!!!hahaha...oh well..im narcissistic lar... ermz..for the record, im studying ok...just look at the notes on my table!!hee...opps...that's still jay chou in the pc screen..hehe... I LOVE MY ROOM!!! my neice tiffany..trying to breakdance..wahaha..cute hor!!! me and tif nice pose hor..haha.. 7 sisters! sini elin and me amanda and me with you tiao! qiulin and me this was before we tasted the durians... i even took with the uncle lor!!! the unriped and sour durians...yucks!!! no. 1, 4 and 5 last stop for me, katong las\ksa..gotta go back home to ermz..study?haha..im trying to study..later...hee...cant resist to blog mar...the others shud be ktving now..hmz..yupz...sad i cant join them...but nvm will have another time rite?!hee... steph @ 11/04/2005 11:22:00 PM
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